Hello Janice

5:16 minutes

Hello, Janice, it’s me

there’s a stranger

across our street

No he’s just been wandering

wander he did

for more than an hour

waiting for time to pass

did he wait for a beauty

a girlfriend, a cutie

No his face showed no

anticipatory anxiety

perhaps for some money

to make life a pleasure

to fill his rumbling stomach and more

to take in an exciting Hollywood movie

No his life couldn’t be a bore

look at his white hands

so clean and fine fingernail

maybe he doesn’t work

or just got sprung out of jail

still he wanders back and forth

as if no place to go

yet no purpose or pleasure

should I call the cops?

No he’s moving again

two steps to the right

not a lover not a fighter

His eyes so hollow

they stare blank and white

he’s walking this way

and oh, my gosh

he’s pulling a large scythe

from under his black robe

he’s the Grim Reaper

and he coming

for me


Dearly Beloved

we are gathered here

in memory of the late

er … er. Jezzy McJewel

who fell off her stool

while talking on her pink telephone

such a tragedy tells us

er… er … it is better

to receiver than to

dial in vain

Look at her face

she looks so life like

I almost expect her to sit up

any moment. That witch owes me $100

now how will I get it?

I suppose I could sue the estate

Jezzy, it’s Janice

honey, I know you can hear me

I don’t know who that guy was, baby

but I filled out a complete report at the

police station

they were gonna put me in jail as your

murderess can you believe it?

I guess they found out about my affair

with your Husband

but you know about all that cause

you’re dead and can read peoples

thoughts and stuff

I’ll have to talk more later

Bob’s motioning me over for

the family photo


Why am I floating up here

on the ceiling over a casket

and who is that hideous corpse

oh, no it’s me

who did my make-up I’ll kill’em

I told Bob I wanted to be cremated

if I ever … I’m dead

I can’t believe it

I should have known this would happen

every Monday when I have my period

it’s a lousy day

Hey, what nice expensive flowers

I wonder who they’re from?

From Bob and Janice

that’s odd?

Wait a minute

didn’t Bob have an insurance policy

on me, yeah for

a million dollars

a million dollars

a million GREEN WRINKLED dollars


Such an unexpected tragedy

yes we’ll all grieve and miss her

thank you so much for coming


Yes, darling?

I want you

Here! Now!

at the funeral for goodness sake

I’ve got to have you

Jeez. okay. The broom closet in 5 minutes.

Oh, thank you. thank you.

That slut

she had the whole thing planned

well, I’ll fix them both

copulate at my funeral will they

us haunting spirits have our little ways

“I want you,” give me a break

Bob, now that were alone in the broom closet

I wanted to ask you something?

Sure go ahead and ask me while I get

out of some of these clothes

Well, was there really a Grim Reaper

across the street that frightened Jezzy?

Of course NOT that was me remember?

You forget things too quickly.

Bob, why are we in this closet?

You said, you wanted to have sex.

I said that?


At my best friends funeral?


Oh all right, but Bob?


Why are you wearing the Grim Reaper suit?

isn’t that a little kinky?

What Grim Reaper suit?

Dearly Beloved

we are gathered today

in memory of Bob and Janice

Who during an act of misjudgment

broke several bottles of deadly chemicals

their cremated bodies and clothes were


by the night janitor in his closet

From which we learn ..er chemically speaking

all is not lost until the clothing gets tossed

Such a sad, sad tragedy

three mysterious deaths in such a short period

I’m sure they are all so very, very happy