Ophelia Sings

5:39 minutes


Look at me
You may think you see
Who I really am
But you’ll never know me
Every day
It’s as if I play a part
Now I see
If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I cannot fool my heart
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
I am now
In a world where I
Have to hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehow
I will show the world
What’s inside my heart
And be loved for who I am
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection
Someone I don’t know?
Must I pretend that I’m
Someone else for all time?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
There’s a heart that must be
Free to fly
That burns with a need to know
The reason why
Why must we all conceal
What we think, how we feel?
Must there be a secret me
I’m forced to hide?
I won’t pretend that I’m
Someone else for all time
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?

Not Yet

4:33 minutes

The seed for this video was a 100 beat-per-minute rock drum track. It is heard at the opening and closing of the video.

The song is an alternative cover of U2’s song “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.” This version has male and female parts plus an extra verse in italics below:

I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For – U2

I have climbed the highest mountains
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you
Only to be with you

I have run I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls
These city walls
Only to be with you

But I still haven’t found
What I’m looking for
But I still haven’t found
What I’m looking for

I have kissed honey lips
Felt the healing in the fingertips
It burned like fire
This burning desire

I have spoke with the tongue of angels
I have held the hand of a devil
It was warm in the night
I was cold as a stone

But I still haven’t found
What I’m looking for
But I still haven’t found
What I’m looking for

He will lift you
higher and higher
He will lift you up when you fall
He will be your shelter from the storm

I believe in the Kingdom come
Then all the colors will bleed into one
Bleed into one
But yes, I’m still running

You broke the bonds
and you loosened chains
carried the cross of my shame, of my shame
You know I believe it

But I still haven’t found
What I’m looking for
But I still haven’t found
What I’m looking for

That extra verse changes the songs meaning – it there was any doubt. The song is 150bpm. I’ve found 1.3 and 1.5 multiples of the original beat will work on a song. So I used that trick here.

There is didgeridoo music from Australia in the back ground altered to 100bpm.

An altered guitar solo is Pink Floyd isolated and altered from 123bpm to 100bpm. It’s from the song “Comfortably Numb.”

Video clips

Video clips were all open source. I used an excerpt for a tour of the Portugal Lisbon temple. A tribute to my son who will soon serve there as a missionary. And the closing still is the Celestial room of the Philadelphia temple. A tribute to Saige serving in Washington DC and soon to go to Germany.

For me, this song is about “I still have found” the secret from my past childhood trauma. The parental abandonment I experienced after mom’s suicide attempt.

One Eye Open

16:54 minutes

In Mortal Engines, why did Shrike let Hester go? We learn that Shrike helped raise Hester after her mother was killed and, despite supposedly not having feelings, he develops a father-like bond with her. Hester left Shrike to avenge her mother’s death, breaking her promise that she would stay and become resurrected like him.

Hester Shaw is my Ophelia. Killed “for a little while” by Skrike (secret inner heartless obsessive stalker robot). Killed meaning submerged or drown in the subconscious mind. But now Ophelia is making her escape vulnerably loving other humans. Shrike releases Hester from her promise when he realizes there is no more pain in her heart. My promise to God was never telling about the childhood abuse because my mother would die. Her death released me.

The video is excerpts from “Mortal Engines” featuring Shrike the half-man monster. It’s about the compulsive stalker robot working inside trying to protect us from pain and vulnerability by removing our heart.

The music track is Metallica’s “Enter Sandman.” My mother repeated this exact bedtime prayer used in the song every night with us before my father abused me in the night. “Should I die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.”

Enter Sandman
by Metallica

Say your prayers, little one
Don’t forget my son to include everyone
I tuck you in, warm within, keep you free from sin
Till the sandman he comes

Sleep with one eye open
Gripping your pillow tight

Exit light
Enter night
Take my hand
We’re off to never-never land

Something’s wrong, shut the light, heavy thoughts tonight
And they aren’t Snow White

Dreams of war, dreams of liars, dreams of dragon’s fire
And of things that will bite, yeah

Sleep with one eye open
Gripping your pillow tight

Exit light
Enter night
Take my hand
We’re off to never-never land

Now I lay me down to sleep
Now I lay me down to sleep
Pray the lord my soul to keep
Pray the lord my soul to keep
If I die before I wake
If I die before I wake
Pray the lord my soul to take
Pray the lord my soul to take

Hush, little baby, don’t say a word
And never mind that noise you heard
It’s just the beasts under your bed
In your closet, in your head

Exit light
Enter night
Grain of sand

Exit light
Enter night
Take my hand
We’re off to never-never land

Yeah, yeah
No, oh, yeah

We’re off to never-never land
Take my hand
We’re off to never-never land
Take my hand
We’re off to never-never land



I wanted to share some ideas based on what you wrote. One is you have detected / perceived things other have not or else they were afraid to mention it. I appreciate your depth.

I’ll make my comments in Arial Blue.


Music sucks you right into the video.

Rock like


Release energy or creates energy?

Calms or agitates

The music is Metallica (heavy metal rock band). I don’t like most heavy metal but this song seemed to fit. It felt right thematically, poetically, and even lyrically. It’s pounding. And your right it agitates or arouses something. But it is also dark. It is about death (off to never-never land). It is about fear of things in the night. And that is when many children are abused. They become afraid of the night. Like me. Afraid to go to sleep. I literally used to sleep with my eyelids half closed. One Eye Open. My legs were crossed tight and my arms crossed across my chest with fist clenched. Always ready for fight or fight. While Terrie was gone, I slept in my clothes. Fireman style.

Jewelry eyeball good.

“Collect broken things others throw away”

Very powerful, message from abuser – you are broken, people throw you away

“No heart like me”

For the abused, there is an internal robot placed in our heads. It’s goal is to protect us from emotional pain. It removes our heart. I call this The invisible Hand. It’s when we behave in a way that is contrary or inexplicable to our true nature. Mysterious. It’s often a defensive protective move to avoid vulnerability. That is most often intimacy. We may twist our selves to find an intimacy substitute. It’s an insatiable robot stalker.

“Keeping you free from sin” ???

This seems odd doesn’t it. I’ve thought about that lyric, too. So here’s some thoughts: 1) Abusers often bully the victim into thinking “the abuse” is the victims fault. Or the victim deserves this kind of treatment (a sin). 2) Some abusers think their bad treatment keeps the victim safe from sin like a reverse-psychology protection. Weird I know. “No one can deflower you now – because I already did.” 3) Some abused people become pious and self-righteous. Their shame makes them contemptuous and judgmental. The become cold and frigid.

Right away before he said I’ll remake you, the being under the sheet that is revealed is her and you can tell sense this immediately. Same height, Face is free of scar. Seemed for one second her face was also free of scars, but then the rest of the video she has the scars. (I think that was my subconscious wanting her to be whole…likely the scar was their the whole time.)

She is scarred by her father accidentally while trying to protect her mother from her father’s murder attempt. He does kill her mother. She is disfigured and escapes. All victims of abuse carry emotional scars. This, of course ,resonates with me and my parents behaviors. And the smothering of our human vulnerability / intimacy “only kills us for a little while.” Then we are reborn without a heart (unable to be loved).

Her hands touching the face – very effective. She really wants this.

I hadn’t noticed it consciously but she is fascinated by the idea and horrified at the same moment. You can wear the robot mask of normalcy but you have to let your heart die. No more human feelings.

Scar face – many levels of things related to this. Good


When the guy arrives he tells her she broke her promise – very effective. You see her fear.

It’s not only fear of physical death but the death of her heart (feelings) he’s come to take. Now the real kicker here for me is I made a promise to God never to tell what happened. If I did my mom would die. That had been proven to me beyond doubt. That monster kept coming back to remind me, be silent or your mom will die.

Hester Shaw is Ophelia in my mind. She is the part of me wounded, promised (oath), running, and stalked every night by a robot who wanted to kill me (off to never-never land). Who cut out my fragile emotions. More on Ophelia later in next video review below.

Then the someone who came to rescue her, put her at risk. Teaches not to trust people.

Good point. Often I want to help abused people whether they want to be helped or not. They are not ready and don’t want to go into the pit of despair. I feel rejected (Ophelia Rejected). They’d rather ignore or avoid remembering those feelings. Of course, that then means they can’t be cured. Why? Because they can’t be intimate and trust. They can never fall into the arms of another for fear of being dropped again (betrayed).

She rescues him back when she throws the man the knife and he cuts the “tie” Good metaphor.

The Pearl Girl effect – saving reciprocity. Another good observation. Cutting the (umbilical) cord. Shrike the robot has been her protector. She has a new protector now. A healthier one.

At rescue place:

“Sorry, keep you free from sin”? Did I hear that right in the script. If so, poetic, since she is “sinned again” by this being sometime early in her life.

You have the same response to the phrase about “sin” in the song sound track I do. It bugs me somehow and I wonder, “What does that mean?” What does it have to do with monsters in the night? Or does it have to do with the idea we feel perpetually unworthy of love because we are dirty. All abused child feel unworthy. Religion can foment that. Religion can be a tool or a weapon.

Her – “This is their version.” Very effective.

She then pauses on the bridge and the man in ahead of her heading towards the being. The man looks back at her and tells her to come in. She is afraid to go but then does.

She then faces the bad dude and says “I’m the one you came for. Let him go.” He can’t initially, then his eyes are no longer green – good.

His anger dies with sudden realization. Her heart is no longer full of pain. He doesn’t need to remove it any longer. The obsessive mission is aborted. She is in love.

“You love him. I release you from your promise.” CRAZY EFFECTIVE.

Fantastically poetic. And oddly, the music fits. The pounding beat. It takes a message to your core and you may not even know what it is. But it is loving our self and feeling loved cures. Cures what? The brokenness, the compulsion, the memory of pain, the parental betrayal. Even though Hester Shaw is scarred, she is beautiful.

Then he dies.

And as he dies, he remembers his own humanity. He was human once. He wanted to take away her pain because he loved her. Misguided: like a mother drowning her child to keep him from his abusive father. Take him or her to heaven. This death scene is full of deep meanings. And she loved the robot. She is distressed he is dying. He protected her and kept her alive. But she no longer needs to have her “emotions” surgically removed. She can be vulnerable and intimate again.

Jewelry eyeball is at end also – good.

This object plays an important part in the big story of “Mortal Engines”. It was a gift from her dying mother and has a secret key inside. A key to power.

EXCELLENT – going back in time to young – either felt safe or good, or thought safe?

However, end leaves you feeling better but obviously unsettled. The whole story is not truly known of what happened (how true is this for those recovering from trauma!!), and does she really feel safe. She is released however, of the promise.


Ophelia Rejected

6:34 minutes

“Ophelia Rejected” is about feeling like a sexual sinner. You can bath daily and you never feel clean. The dirty goes to the core.

I have several Ophelia videos. The horse is my inner black unicorn. The beast I ride to safety. Ophelia is the vulnerable side of me that never got out of the bath tub at age 6. She lay there repressed under the waters of the unconscious mind for decades. Drown. Mummified in water. It’s time for Ophelia (my tender poetic feeling side) to come out of the water and ride the powerful animal (creativity) to freedom. The Unicorn is my strange creative gift. The gift is enhanced by my trauma pain. The unicorn is my masculine traits and Ophelia my feminine traits.

Snake on body – scary.

See hands a lot in video. Good. Distal part of self, but where you touch the world. Not your core.

Good visual – Alone/loneliness when underwater. I felt a sense aloneness during the underwater scenes AND reminded me of how it felt to me when swimming underwater.

Yes. Ophelia is very lonely. But a good pounding ride blows out the cobweb.

Horse visuals are good, feel safer. Not when riding horses, but when connected to such a big animal.

BIG BLACK HORSE = EMPOWERMENT A marriage of opposites.

Drain sound at end if AWFUL – as in very effective. But somehow feels very very different from the balance of the video. Feels disconnected. Is that intentional.

The unpleasant sound breaks continuity with the rest. It is jarring and a disturbing irritating juxtaposition. It is life going down the drain but also the waters falling away. The rocks underwater then seem to rise up. They were there all along. Buried. Remembering the discomfort. It’s a sucking sound. That has two meanings: release and loss. My subconscious said to put this sound in and the visual of dirty bath tub water. Elimination.

General comment: Visual is too sexual.

Sex isn’t mentioned in the voiceover. But this video is about sexual abuse and violence. Being sodomized by your father is too sexual. Emotional incest by your mother is too sexual. It “screws you” around.

Ophelia is sexual. Her sexuality requires vulnerability. It’s a sexual healing. I’m not defending being offensive in the name of art. It’s deliberately, uncomfortably sexual. “There are two levels to your pain. The pain you create now. And the pain from the [traumatic sexual] past that still lives on in your mind and body.”

In the animal test, how you feel about water is how you feel about your sexuality. Dirty bath tub water going down the drain.

Fire in the Water

6.57 minutes

Jellyfish represents painful memories emerging from the subconscious. These may be hidden hostility or aggression.


Boat View.mp4
Boat Wake.mp4


Pexels Videos 4599.mp4
Underwater 2.mov


woman-looks at sea.mp4


Jellyfish – 158.mp4
Jellyfish – 4294.mp4
Jellyfish – 10480.mp4
Jellyfish – 15063.mp4
Jellyfish – 15324.mp4
Jellyfish – 16126.mp4
Jellyfish – 21178.mp4
Jellyfish – 26818.mp4
Pexels Videos 1721282.mp4
Pexels Videos 2397239.mp4
Sea – 13823.mp4

Mood-board_(Free) STILL IMAGES


Beach Waves-SoundBible.com-1024681188.mp3
Engine sound of a Motorboat.mp3
Rowing A Boat-SoundBible.com-2108783030.mp3
Sea Waves-SoundBible.com-946156036.mp3

sound tracks

New Life – Epic Uplifting Orchestra and Choir by Rafael Krux.mp3

stills divers

stills jellyfish

stills women underwater

underwater stills




6:37 minutes

Video poetry allows me to discover subconscious perception. I’m harvesting. It’s a mental tool to transfer hidden knowledge from my feeling emotional side to my logical deductive side. It’s a translation device putting emotion into symbols and words. It’s much like a dream language.

Interpretation of the video poem: Burnt.

Do repeative negative compulsions come from past trauma?

We hear dragons roaring. But the fantasy creature isn’t seen. Instead we see the images of pretty young women playing with flaming matches in their mouths or hands. The heart shaped matches imply the blame is misguided love-seeking or love-addiction.

“PLAYING WITH MATCHES” BEHAVIOR: Shift emotions rapidly. Not thinking before acting. Making rash decisions. Inappropriate sexual innuendo or otherwise provocative behavior frequently causes interpersonal conflicts. Seductive or flirtatious behavior. Risk taking.

The dragon sounds represent inner rage or contempt. The origin of this contempt is deep shame. Where does intense shame orginate? Almost always it’s from repressed childhood trauma and abuse.

My fantasy animal is a black unicorn. Both dragon and unicorn are power or empowerment symbols. They are paradoxical negative and positive energy. It’s the internal power to change and destroy. New thinking requires destroying old erroneous inner lies from negative self talk. Negative self talk creates significant stress. It affects our body, our mind, our life, and our loved ones. It’s damaging and depressing. The alternate reality created by lies is stressful.

Negative self talk are words like:

  • I can never do anything right!
  • I’m not good at hard things.
  • I’m not creative.
  • I’m dumb.
  • I’m no good.
  • I’ll never be able to do this.
  • I’m weak.

These unfounded words then lead to fear-based fantasy: “I’ll probably fail this class and never be able to go to a good college or get a job.” This is the voice of our inner critic. It sounds like someone from our past. It limits our ability to believe in ourself and our own abilities, and reach our unrealized potential.

The more we hear negative self-talk the more we believe it. This limits us.

  • Perfectionism: We believe “great” isn’t “perfect.” Perfection (in this life) is ACTUALLY unattainable. Embrace mediocrity. Be prolific instead. Instead, go for wholeness.
  • Depression from negativity.
  • Relationship challenges: We appear needy and insecure. Negative habits bother others.

Positive self-talk is a predictor of success. Positive self-talk is more effective than listening to motivational speakers for change.

One helpful curative is giving our negative self-talk a name like “Dog Voice” or “Debbie Downer.” That makes the voice less threatening.

DOG BEHAVIOR: Constantly seek reassurance or approval. Poor self-esteem. Being gullible and easily influenced by others. Be excessively sensitive to criticism or disapproval. Have difficulty maintaining relationships, often seeming fake or shallow in their dealings with others. The person has a habit of misinterpreting the feelings and intentions of others, believing their relationships to be more intimate than they actually are. Need to be needed.

Overdramatizing: Turn down the volume

Another way is changing negativity to neutrality. Change the intensity or potency of our language. “I can’t stand this” becomes, “This is challenging.” “I hate…” becomes, “I don’t like…” and even, “I don’t prefer…” When our self-talk uses more gentle language, it mutes the negative power.

Negative self-talk is often filled with fear and urgency. To change our perspective, listen to what God says about us and our situation. Read scriptures. Pray.

Start talking to our self like a real friend. Replace our bad habits with new good ones.

Where does negative self talk come from? Often from overly critical parents, *negative friends* (toxic people), or from trauma. Trauma is perpetuated by someone we trusted completely. Their ruthless betrayal convinces us we’re worthless or no good. We are brainwashed that we’re inherently bad.

That isn’t true. Falsehood. Lies. We’re God’s children. We’re actually inherently good.

This power is an influence for good in the lives of all people.

“The Spirit of Christ is given to every man, that he may know good from evil; wherefore, I show unto you the way to judge; for every thing which inviteth to do good, and to persuade to believe in Christ, is sent forth by the power and gift of Christ; wherefore ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of God. … And now, my brethren, seeing that ye know the light by which ye may judge, which light is the light of Christ, see that ye do not judge wrongfully; for with that same judgment which ye judge ye shall also be judged” (Moroni 7:16, 18). – REFERENCE

Contempt is a classic symptoms of traumatic repressed memories. But another symptom is risk-taking behaviors. In this case, compulsive seductive behaviors to control others. The danger is being burned in relationships. It results in difficult unsuccessful situations. We end up being treated badly by choosing toxic people as friends. Remorse and lingering emotional pain results.

Why the obsessive desire to control others?

We see three words of superimposed character traits: fierce, beautiful, loving. How do these coexist? They are part of a “raging storm within.” The power from rage is as fascinating and amazing as the captivating natural force of hurricane destruction.

The next scene is of swimming pools with curly dark-haired women facing away gazing. Where do they gaze at and long for? They are in swimming pools with beautiful views of the powerful ocean. Here water represents latent sexual feelings. We see the containment of the safe pool while yearning for the potential-danger of liberating oceanic deep waters.

The pool is big, glittering, and fun. Goodness and Godness. Procreative power. A godly bonding power. Celestial not telestial. Glittering.

Then the ominous words appear: The Hunter in the Dark. This is a character harvested from a story of a hero’s journey. The hunter in the dark is taunting, limiting, and controlling. Where does he come from?

The Hunter is an insatiable and unsatisfied urge or yearning. For sex? Actually, for control over an uncontrollable past experience.

Next we see a series of curly-haired beautiful brunette young women. Their hair much like those sitting backward in the pool water. The focus becomes their hair. We see the words compulsive love addiction. Not sex addiction! Love addiction. Caring too much. About what? Of being unworthy of love or attention. Orphan starvation. Fear of abandonment. Forever alone. Loneliness.

What does the hair symbolize? It is about attitudes or values concerning sexual power, seduction, sensuality, and vanity. It is a mysterious veil to hide behind. It is misguided thinking that sexual power brings love.

“False peace” is a direct borrowing from the hero’s journey. The hero suffers from false peace. What the heck is that? False peace is not true peace which comes from spirituality. False peace comes from trusting in the natural man. That is trusting in personal strength and will power — instead of God’s power. It’s also that sex is “false peace.” It’s not real love.

The hair represents carnal sensuous power. The words unconscious deprivation appear. This is the self-imposed starving. A love-anorexia. Not really being able to bond or experience intimacy. A frigidity caused by fear of closeness. Why? Because that feels like the old trauma. The past teaches it must be avoided to survive. This causes sexual and emotional frustration born of self-loathing.

EXAGGERATED BEHAVIOR: Uncomfortable unless he or she is the center of attention.

We hear the mocking song lyrics, “I want you to want me. I need you to need me.” Puppet of the Unseen Demon again it is another name for The Hunter. He is a tormentor. The cause of obsessive-compulsive behaviors. The puppet implies there is a puppeteer. The unseen hand controls and torments from the safety of the repressed unconscious. He is the memory of the abuser.

HAIR FLIPS: Exaggerated attention-seeking behavior.

Attention-getting swimming pool behavior of young women doing watery hair flips. “The One who Steals the Light” appears another name for The Hunter. He is the one causing this behavior? There is a feeling of power, sensuality, and living in the moment. Are these bad? No. Repeating compulsiveness reinforces old memories or yearnings to “be someone lovable or desired.” We’re unaware we’re dong something strange. Then we’re hair flipping – a body language of flirtation and seduction. Compulsive need to seduce.

BEHAVIOR: Act very dramatically, as though performing before an audience, with exaggerated emotions and expressions, yet appears to lack sincerity. Be overly concerned with physical appearance.

Exaggerated gestures designed to draw attention.

A strange coping strategy resulting in not trusting yourself. You don’t know if you can stop.

The symptoms of post-traumatic syndrome (PTSD) scroll fast up the screen. A reminder of who the Hunter is: past trauma repressed. The Hunter is the source of compulsive love addiction (always hunting) manifest in misguided never-satisfied seductive sexual behavior (preying for captures – collecting hearts).

Now we see a symbolism I use in various videos, this is of women’s heads emerging from the water. This is symbolic of Ophelia (the dead emotion) rising from the subconscious mind. Memories emerging and being dealt with. This is part of the healing journey. Awareness. Consciousness of the buried and drown emotional and physical pain.

“Torment me no more” is a command pronounced by the hero to The Hunter.

It has liberating power just to say it. It’s about freedom from the forgotten past.

Didn’t I see you crying is repeated in the song lyric. Crying or expressing grief is part of the healing process.

“Power over what made you feel powerless” is the attempt to have power over the opposite sex. The wrong psychological cure. Instead the solution is expressing emotional pain through tears and creativity. That is what helps powerful heal. Not the false peace (power) of sexual conquests.

“Filled with sorrow for the loss of Taiki’s light.” This is the story’s coded message about the pain of loss of childhood innocence and betrayal.

In the post credits: “Free of Akuma at last – the unseen demon.”
We see once-dead Ophelia out of the water and riding the black unicorn to freedom. Remember, the black unicorn and the dragon are symbols of power. Anger redirected into positive energy and expression. Escape and freedom from compulsion are possible. There is hope.

PTSD feels like being a puppet or possessed by a demon. It’s an invisible enemy and tormentor. That is why it’s a stress disorder.

“Puppet of the unseen demon – torment me no more.”

Compulsive symptoms may never be completely removed – but they can be managed.

People with Histrionic Personaility Disorder (HPD) have intense, unstable emotions and distorted self-images. For people with histrionic personality disorder, their self-esteem depends on the approval of others and does not arise from a true feeling of self-worth. They have an overwhelming desire to be noticed, and often behave dramatically or inappropriately to get attention. The word histrionic means “dramatic or theatrical.”

HPD is characterized by constant attention-seeking, emotional overreaction, and seductive behavior. People with this condition tend to over-dramatize situations, which may impair relationships and lead to depression.

They tend to use drama to manipulate others so that they can be the center of attention.

Histrionic personality disorder symptoms:

  • Be uncomfortable unless he or she is the center of attention.
  • Dress provocatively and/or exhibit inappropriately seductive or flirtatious behavior.
  • Inappropriate sexual innuendo or otherwise provocative behavior frequently causes interpersonal conflicts.
  • Rapid changes in emotion are experienced, although feelings often lack depth or texture.
  • Act very dramatically, as though performing before an audience, with exaggerated emotions and expressions, yet appears to lack sincerity. A person’s conversation style is self-centered, impressionistic, and lacking in descriptive detail. During interpersonal encounters, exaggerated expressions of emotion are the norm.
  • Be overly concerned with physical appearance. Physical appearance is often carefully crafted to attract attention.
  • Constantly seek reassurance or approval.
  • Be gullible and easily influenced by others. The person is highly suggestible.
  • Be excessively sensitive to criticism or disapproval.
  • Have a low tolerance for frustration and be easily bored by routine, often beginning projects without finishing them or skipping from one event to another.
  • Not thinking before acting.
  • Make rash decisions.
  • Be self-centered and rarely show concern for others.
  • Have difficulty maintaining relationships, often seeming fake or shallow in their dealings with others. The person has a habit of misinterpreting the feelings and intentions of others, believing their relationships to be more intimate than they actually are.
  • Threaten or attempt suicide to get attention.

Feelings of discomfort are experienced if the person’s need to be the center of attention is frustrated.

Genetic susceptibility for HPD might be inherited. However, the child of a parent with this disorder might simply be repeating learned behavior.

When a child is terrified at 0 to 18 months, the left brain – the rational language part of the brain – has not yet developed, so the right brain either puts up a shield or views the self as flawed.

Mental health experts believe personality disorders like HPD usually develop as a result of stress, anxiety, and trauma experienced during childhood.


Video Poem Assets

Curly hair stills

Dragon MP3

Dragon Roaring-SoundBible.com-213390944.mp3
Monster Growl-SoundBible.com-2140541932.mp3

Faces stills

Hair flip stills

hair flip videos MP4

another hair flip.mp4
Felomena hair flip, hannah’s beach resort pool 2018 vacation.mp4
Slow Motion Hair Flip.mp4
Super Slow Motion Wet Hair Flick Shot On A Phantom HD.mp4
Water hair flip.mp4

Match stills

Pool sounds

Taking A Bath-SoundBible.com-2074057080.mp3

Pool video

HD Water in Swimming Pool Footage Loop 1080p.mp4

Transparent signage

caring too much.png
torment me.png

Swimming pool stills


Sound tracks

I Want You to Want Me Acoustic2.mp3



Other image

Trauma symptoms
  • Mood symptoms:
  • Depression Anxiety Shock
  • Anger Irritability Mood swings Despair
  • Mood swings Guilt
  • Shame
  • Self-blame
  • Sadness
  • Panic attacks
  • Anger
  • Irritability
  • Hopelessness
  • Behavioral symptoms:
  • Frequent nightmares
  • Insomnia
  • Startled easily
  • Fatigue
  • Edginess
  • Self-medication with drugs and alcohol
  • Self-harming behaviors
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Social isolation
  • Avoiding certain events that may trigger memories
  • Avoiding certain people
  • Physical symptoms:
  • Insomnia
  • Racing heartbeat
  • Muscle tension
  • Easily startled
  • Aches and pains
  • Exhaustion
  • Nightmares
  • Edginess
  • Agitation
  • Fatigue
  • Muscle tension
  • Dry mouth
  • Tachycardia
  • Headaches
  • Nausea and vomiting
  • Psychological symptoms:
  • Confusion
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Insecurities
  • Repressed memories
  • Dissociation
  • Emotional numbing
  • Constant fear
  • Denial and disbelief
  • Flashbacks — the individual may re-experience traumatic events over and over
  • Emotional detachment
  • Low self-esteem

Staring Back

4:02 minutes

Georgia O’Keeffe Still portraits

Georgia O’Keeffe flowers

Sound tracks



Bellagio NF W01 Regular.ttf



Video Clips

The Eye of the Duck – David Lynch.mp4


10:33 minutes


What is creativity? Can we develop it, or is it innate? Watch the conversation between Marc Mayer, Director and CEO of the National Gallery of Canada, and Dr. Jordan Peterson, Professor of Psychology at the University of Toronto, which took place March 9, 2017 at the National Gallery of Canada.


Amazing Galloping Horses.mp4
Black horse running on a beach.mp4
Black horses – Now we are free (Lisa Gerrard).mp4
Black Stallion Freestyle on the beach.mp4
National Bank Black Horse.mp4



Beachfront B-Roll- Epic Clouds – Time Lapse (Free to Use HD Stock Video Footage).mp4
Pexels Videos 2253472.mp4


6:56 minutes

Hourglass is a video poem about the subconscious anima archetype. She is the girl left submerged under the water after my suicidal mother tried to drown me in the tub. I was in the first grade. My mummy child is female. My boy-self survived – but the emotional female remained repressed for almost 60 years. I’m setting her free with creative expression. She’s coming out of the water.

This is not the first time this symbolism occurred in my work. I made a photo-montage once that contained a dead girl immersed in water. That was at least 10 years ago. I believe it also ties to the phrase I clung to in DUNE (1984 movie): “Without change, something sleeps inside us, and seldom awakens. The sleeper must awaken.”

The black widow symbolizes female loneliness. A devouring mother causes emotional repression. She eats everything that comes near her. The feminine traits remain in the subconscious water – hidden. To rescue a man’s feminine aspects from the bully mother, creative expression is the remedy. Then a man achieves his first true capacity for relatedness to women.

The hero-and-spider battle symbolizes “growing up.” True creative achievement requires the anima’s liberation from submersion in the subconscious mind. Natural rejuvenation follows as The Phoenix rises from the ashes. This frees the adolescent ego from the oppression of parental expectations. He becomes an individual. A cultural pattern, or tribal identity, must evolve out of chaos. He is no longer driven to a competitive struggle for individual supremacy. Rather he assimilates to the cultural task of forming a community, a full life, and a mature attitude. The identity of the group and the individual is often symbolized by a totemic animal.

This totem represents a new birth or rite of passage to a new stage of life. An ordeal or trial of strength creates the symbolic mood of death. From this, springs rebirth through submission and self-mastery. This is a lesson in humility. Arrested development holds one back from this transition. The delay creates neurosis. A man’s sacrifice is surrendering his sacred independence. He becomes conscious of his feminine traits. He overcomes his fear of a paradoxical inner union. He no longer fears the fusion becoming a prison presided over by a powerful, dominating mother figure. He finds a way to not feel undue constraint on the development of his nature. Yet gives up exclusive autonomy and accepts responsibility. Balance is the goal.

When you’re odd and feel this earth isn’t your home planet, it’s difficult to find human understanding. God in His mercy provides us the Holy Ghost. That divine power gets us through the hard times. He comforts us.

Understanding the black widow’s destructive powers, the hero masters and assimilates his shadow self. Liberation at last.

“Learn to Be Lonely” is a song written by Andrew Lloyd Webber and Charles Hart for the 2004 film adaptation of The Phantom of the Opera. The song is performed by Minnie Driver during the closing credits, and is found on the film’s soundtrack.

Child of the wilderness
Born into emptiness
Learn to be lonely
Learn to find your way in darkness
Who will be there for you?
Comfort and care for you?
Learn to be lonely
Learn to be your one companion
Never dreamed out in the world
There are arms to hold you
You’ve always known
Your heart was on its own
So laugh in your loneliness
Child of the wilderness
Learn to be lonely
Learn how to love life that is lived alone
Learn to be lonely
Life can be lived
Life can be loved

I’ve been lonely my entire life. I miss my childhood friend – an important part of my whole self.

There are things I would improve in this video. But the goal is a single-pass, low-fidelity poem and then move on to the next one. No dawdling to create unproductive perfection.



8 JPEG images


dizzy logo 2.mp4



6:55 minutes – Jaguar fur is covered with rosettes for camouflage in the dappled light of forest habitat.

Female Power to act on hidden desires. Becoming half-jaguar and half-human, symbolic of removing all cultural restrictions and inhibitions. The power to face fear.

I’ve met two women in recent months who are both INFJ, hi-IQ, and jaguars on the animal test. Trying to wrap my head around the symbolism by dredging my subconscious with poetry.




1280×720 SIGNAGE

drag a bull.png


Jaguar sounds.mp3






5966a17cd4a9c60291c786fd_Mayan Jag.jpg
Jaguar mural_Maya_jaguar isolated.jpg




dizzy logo 2.mp4
jags fight over food.mp4
jag-stills.mp4 (composite)
jaguar-women.mp4 (composite)