Ophelia Rejected

6:34 minutes

“Ophelia Rejected” is about feeling like a sexual sinner. You can bath daily and you never feel clean. The dirty goes to the core.

I have several Ophelia videos. The horse is my inner black unicorn. The beast I ride to safety. Ophelia is the vulnerable side of me that never got out of the bath tub at age 6. She lay there repressed under the waters of the unconscious mind for decades. Drown. Mummified in water. It’s time for Ophelia (my tender poetic feeling side) to come out of the water and ride the powerful animal (creativity) to freedom. The Unicorn is my strange creative gift. The gift is enhanced by my trauma pain. The unicorn is my masculine traits and Ophelia my feminine traits.

Snake on body – scary.

See hands a lot in video. Good. Distal part of self, but where you touch the world. Not your core.

Good visual – Alone/loneliness when underwater. I felt a sense aloneness during the underwater scenes AND reminded me of how it felt to me when swimming underwater.

Yes. Ophelia is very lonely. But a good pounding ride blows out the cobweb.

Horse visuals are good, feel safer. Not when riding horses, but when connected to such a big animal.

BIG BLACK HORSE = EMPOWERMENT A marriage of opposites.

Drain sound at end if AWFUL – as in very effective. But somehow feels very very different from the balance of the video. Feels disconnected. Is that intentional.

The unpleasant sound breaks continuity with the rest. It is jarring and a disturbing irritating juxtaposition. It is life going down the drain but also the waters falling away. The rocks underwater then seem to rise up. They were there all along. Buried. Remembering the discomfort. It’s a sucking sound. That has two meanings: release and loss. My subconscious said to put this sound in and the visual of dirty bath tub water. Elimination.

General comment: Visual is too sexual.

Sex isn’t mentioned in the voiceover. But this video is about sexual abuse and violence. Being sodomized by your father is too sexual. Emotional incest by your mother is too sexual. It “screws you” around.

Ophelia is sexual. Her sexuality requires vulnerability. It’s a sexual healing. I’m not defending being offensive in the name of art. It’s deliberately, uncomfortably sexual. “There are two levels to your pain. The pain you create now. And the pain from the [traumatic sexual] past that still lives on in your mind and body.”

In the animal test, how you feel about water is how you feel about your sexuality. Dirty bath tub water going down the drain.

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